take your taste back.

2012-01-14T19:13:00.001-08:00

Ughhhh so fucking annoyed. I fucking hate wasting money.

2012-01-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

Come lie next to me.

Don’t speak. I don’t need to know your name or where you came from. I don’t care about what you do for a living or the places you’ve been. I won’t ask how you got that scar on your shoulder or if you believe in soul mates. I’m not interested in hearing stories from your childhood or hearing all your secrets, and I certainly won’t tell you mine.

Just lay with me tonight. Let me fall asleep with your skin pressed into mine. I want to feel your heart beating and your breath on my shoulders and neck. Rock into me, let me close my eyes and fool myself into believing, if even just for tonight, that I am not alone.

2011-12-18T20:16:00.001-08:00

"Lay with me and stroke your weathered fingers through my hair like piano keys with a softened melody. I want your whispers in my pockets and riddled breaths exhaled on the nape of my neck."

2011-11-17T00:29:00.001-08:00

Loving you is like a battle. We both end up with scars.

No one loves you more than me and no one ever will. ):

why do we have to play this silly game?

2011-09-24T11:54:00.001-07:00

I feel like I'm going backwards. I don't learn my lessons and nothing ever gets better. I'm dumb. I deserve this.

just for you, m.

2011-08-30T00:26:00.001-07:00

'you're as fake as the bitches you call friends. you talk all this shit about being real, but in the end, you are just another bitch made dude. dispose of yourself. you're only worth the second it takes to delete your number.

thanks for the waste of a perfectly good make out session.

2011-08-29T22:25:00.001-07:00

'don't get attached to this.'

believe me, i won't. you were just another mistake.

O for 3.

2011-08-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

nothing better than finally being able to kiss your old high school crush. (;

2011-08-13T17:30:00.001-07:00

I should learn from your mistakes.

2011-08-11T23:29:00.001-07:00

After today at midnight, I'm not texting anymore boys first. Fuck it. If they wanna talk to me, cool. If not, thats even better.

2011-08-09T22:29:00.001-07:00

Life is never easy for me.

dear love,

2011-07-31T23:56:00.000-07:00

why can't you just let us be? you know my current feelings for you have never strayed. my feelings for you, will tear another into two pieces but i can't stop myself. i just want you. it's your face that i want to kiss. it's your scent i want lingering over my bed. my (your) tee shirt slacks your scent and it feels like an empty shell nowadays. i miss your voice and your smile. i wish you could understand the weight of my words. they are pouring out of my chest but you don't seem to care. you don't let my feelings bother you. the harder i cling to you the faster you pull away. i can feel my heart breaking and you are content with your current life. your current state of mind that has no place for me. not anymore. i don't know what to make of this mess i have created. i ruined something special. i made dumb decisions that destroyed a wonderful future that i could have had with you. i would give anything to take back my regret, to fix my mistakes.

i miss the sound of your snoring every night. it was my background music. my night lullaby. i miss hearing your sleepy voice, i miss hearing the "i love you"s pouring from your mouth. i miss you. us. you. me. i miss what we had...

this won't read well in the morning.

never take what i write serious. it's just a clutter fuck of emotions and mixed in lyrics.

2011-07-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

for a slight moment, i thought i was happy. i thought i got lucky and find someone who i can truly be myself with. i was wrong. i don't know anything about being a relationship or even trying to be a relationship. i'm tired of trying. i don't even want to try anymore.

i'm just going to be alone. i'm better off this way.

2011-07-25T21:16:00.001-07:00

I enjoy being lied too.

I don't want a perfect person,

2011-07-24T11:07:00.001-07:00

I just want someone to act silly with, someone who treats me well & loves being with me more than anything.

2011-07-23T23:37:00.001-07:00

Your scent is lingering on my pillow and care bear blanket. I miss you. Come back to me and never leave me.

2011-07-22T13:34:00.001-07:00

Mistake after mistake.
Fuck by fuck.
I'm going to stop trying to be loved.
I'm meant to be alone.
Fuck itm

2011-07-19T01:05:00.001-07:00

Boys always pretend to like me. Hmph.

2011-07-14T00:08:00.001-07:00

I feel alone tonight. What a horrible empty feeling this is.

2011-07-13T09:29:00.001-07:00

I pushed everyone else away for you and you left me alone.

Sounds like the story of my life.
First Jacob and now Brandon.

I'm just meant to be alone.

2011-07-03T10:20:00.001-07:00

I'll always love you. Please never leave me.

2011-07-03T09:56:00.001-07:00

My feelings for you, will tear another into two pieces but I can't stop myself. I just want you.

2011-07-03T00:41:00.001-07:00

I had a moment of weakness and started getting attached to someone. Stupid me for thinking I could trust someone else.

Thoughts on love.

2011-07-02T17:12:00.001-07:00

"I think love happens when you’re able to stop asking yourself, “What is it they’re doing to show me they really love me? What if they don’t stay?” and start trusting that the feelings you’re experiencing really have no explanation, they just are.

Love isn’t a formula. Things don’t always add up. You’re not always going to get as much as you give.

Yes, it’s possible to connect with another person right off the bat - and I’m sure there are people out there who’ve experienced love at first sight and are still with that person to this day - but even for those people, love takes times. You can’t love somebody without knowing their favorite color, or the way their breathing sounds when they’re asleep. If you can tell somebody you love them after you’ve seen them at their most vulnerable, after learning all their deepest, darkest secrets…that’s love.

When things don’t feel right to you, trust your gut. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. If you keep waiting around, hoping to feel something that just isn’t there, you could miss out on something that truly does make you happy. If there’s anything I’ve learned after 20 years of living, it’s that you’ve got to do what makes you happy - no matter what. Because those who truly love you will back your choices 100%, simply because they know it makes you happy.

When somebody makes you happy, tell them, and tell them constantly. I don’t mean become a broken record, but every time somebody does something to make me smile or laugh, I tell them, because I want them to know they’re special to me. I want them to know they’re the reason I have a smile on my face."

by daphneemarie:

Brandon wrote this about me:

2011-07-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

"i miss the feeling of ur soft skin on my finger tips and as i ran them over ur hand or along ur back. I miss laying myself right up against u and feeling the warmth of your body on mine, i wanna smell your smell again and kiss u on the those beautiful lips of urs and look into ur eyes once more."

awhh

2011-06-29T20:49:00.001-07:00

I got ditched by two guys this weekend. I feel so unattractive. Oh well. I'm better off on my own.

2011-06-27T22:53:00.001-07:00

I'm always left alone at night time. I should be use to it.

2011-06-21T10:57:00.001-07:00

'Ur going to have a lot of crooks tryna steal ur heart but they will never have any luck, they will never figure out how to love you' - J

2011-06-19T23:51:00.001-07:00

I love being nerdy with you. C:

2011-06-19T21:22:00.001-07:00

Take me back to friday night, I want to lay in bed with my head on your chest. I can hear your heart beat racing. I miss the smirk on your face every time you touched me and I got shy. Your hands on my back rubbing my lower back trying to put me to sleep. Your sleepy voice whispering in my ear that it will all be okay.

I miss the light kisses on your face while you were off in dreamland. The cute snores and messy bed hair. I just miss you.

2011-06-15T23:14:00.001-07:00

J thinks he can have me whenever he wants. He is stupid.

2011-06-15T19:47:00.001-07:00

B wants to meet my family. It seems way too soon. I'm scared of getting attached and I'm sure it offended him that I said no, but, my family is important to me. I don't want them meeting someone I am dating until I'm serious + ready for that step.

2011-06-15T09:21:00.001-07:00

Brandon is so nice to me. I called before bed because I was little upset about things that Jacob told me and Brandon let me fall asleep first without me even asking. (: He was so sweet and nice. It made me realize everything that I didnt get/have with Jacob. I can see myself really liking Brandon. He is such a kind, nice, sweet guy. (: I'm excited to see what happens.

2011-06-12T00:09:00.001-07:00

Him: i have to put pants on to go to the store.
Me: what a cruel world.
Him: tell me about it.
Me: in my world, you will be allowed to be naked all the time.
Him: YES

what i do.

2011-06-11T22:59:00.001-07:00

When you have nothing to give to the one you love, give yourself. I don’t need costly things, I need you.

it's simple:

2011-06-11T22:55:00.001-07:00

I didn’t love you. I loved the idea of you.

2011-06-11T21:03:00.001-07:00

I feel clingy. ): I should haven't pushed him away two months. He has helped me so much. I'm such a bitch. I don't even deserve his friendship. ): ugh

2011-06-11T19:28:00.001-07:00

I almost want to believe that it's all a lie but I know it's not. Its pretty heart breaking to know that I was just a time filler. While you waited for the real thing. I wish I knew you weren't into me, I wouldn't have given up so much to be with a voice on the phone.

I'm a dumb typical girl. I turned into everything that I never wanted to be.

I hate you for this. I hate you for all of this.

2011-06-11T14:31:00.001-07:00

I already told you that I never want to hear from you again. Stop texting me by 'mistake' and go die.

2011-06-11T12:10:00.001-07:00

'Always love harder and fuck slower.'

2011-06-11T06:40:00.001-07:00

I just want to cuddle with you until I fall asleep. :C

'in your arms is where i belong'

2011-06-11T02:35:00.001-07:00

On a side note: never take what I write to heart. It's a clutterfuck of emotions, dreams, wishes and reality rolled into one big mess of a blog. Don't read it. Save your IQ.

2011-06-11T02:33:00.001-07:00

The only thing I can think about is him. I miss him. It makes me feel like a bitch to think about what we had going on, and how I pushed him away for a dumb ass moron. I could be in a great relationship with an amazing guy if I just pushed the old one away. :C Heartbreaking. I'm glad he is trying though. I missed him every night. I want to cuddle, kiss, joke and fuck like we planned. I need him in my life and arms. Even if it's just for one night.

2011-06-11T01:59:00.001-07:00

I'm thinking someone who I don't want to read this, reads it. Fuckface.

2011-06-10T20:17:00.001-07:00

It's past midnight and I can hear your voice. You're on the other line crying. You miss me so much. But I'm not believing a word. You're lying. You're buying time. I'm not lying to you, but I don't love you. It's time to move on and go away. You aren't allowed to be near me. Let it go and move on. It's over. It's done. Stop trying to pretend. I can't trust you. I can't stand you. You're a loser. You're a liar. You don't belonge here. You aren't welcomed here. Go away. Leave me alone. Move on. I'm over you.

2011-06-10T19:34:00.001-07:00

As simple as it gets, i miss you.

sure,

2011-06-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

i wish youd sometimes talk to me again

but then i remember it was you who made the mistake of forgetting about me to begin with.

2011-06-09T09:31:00.001-07:00

Me: you're my favorite male friend. Dillon: YOU MY FEMALE. Me: caveman action, huh? lol

2011-06-09T09:30:00.003-07:00

Me: you're my favorite male friend. Dillon: YOU MY FEMALE. Me: caveman action, huh? lol

2011-06-09T09:30:00.001-07:00

Me: you're my favorite male friend. Dillon: YOU MY FEMALE. Me: caveman action, huh? lol

2011-06-08T09:48:00.001-07:00

I'm going back to my Feb mind set. You never loved me. You cheated on me the whole time. You never wanted to be with me. You weren't attracted to me at all. I was nothing to you.

2011-06-08T08:49:00.001-07:00

I'm not believing you anymore.

2011-06-08T06:32:00.001-07:00

I need to leave this go.

but that's all it will be, unfinished.

2011-06-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

2011-06-07T08:54:00.001-07:00

D completey lifted my spirits last night. I owe him big time. <3

2011-06-05T19:10:00.001-07:00

The fact that my family can tell my moods...makes me feel so loved. <3 I'm glad they care and noticed. (:

i'm actually doing better than I thought i would be. Jacob and I had a good full closure convo. I'm feeling better than I thought I would be. I'm grateful that he took the time to do that for me. He didnt need too but it was very kind of him.

2011-06-04T15:52:00.001-07:00

Keep moving forward. Never look back.

copy and pasted.

2011-06-04T15:36:00.001-07:00

It’s an awkward stage in any relationship - even when you were never an official couple - when things die down and you stop talking for a while. Once you both stop communicating with each other as often and start developing feelings for new people, it’s always hard to sit by and watch. Yes, you’ve got feelings for someone new as well, but so do they and you’re forced to watch the person you once shared so much with share it with someone new. It’s almost like a feeling of replacement. Although you’re now talking to someone new as well, you are fully aware of your feelings and know you’re not replacing them. But that’s what it feels like. It gets so bad until eventually every feeling’s diminished to a small insignificant remainder and communication with them is reduced to almost nothing. It’s never a good feeling, sometimes moving on is a difficult situation.

don't hold back.

2011-06-04T07:11:00.001-07:00

after everything that jacob told me yesterday about him or the girl he has always been in love with, makes me just wonder if anyone will never love me? everyone always wants to think that there is something else out there for me. i think that's kind of true, but i don't think we ever really truly marry or love who we made for. i think most just stay with someone that they are comfortable with. someone that they settle for, in a sense.

i just have the feeling that my soul mate won't ever find me. he probably lives in a different state or a million miles away. a place that i will never go too.

i'm sure rolando thinks i'm crazy for thinking that i will be alone forever. but i'm certain i will be. all my life i always saw myself as a single grown up. i'm 24 and i haven't had a real relationship or had anyone want to be with me. sometimes i can't help but wonder if it's because i'm not attractive or have the idea body type. maybe i keep myself fat and ugly because i don't want the real rejection that comes from it. if someone was to get to know the real me and i wasn't worth it in the end. maybe that would hurt worst. i don't know. i'm not sure of anything anymore.

i just know that i don't feel in love with jacob anymore. i don't feel like he is "the one" anymore. i think he always knew him and his ex belonged together but he was just running from it. hiding from the truth, because she felt him. oh well. at least he has someone who can give him everything that i couldn't. i'm just a silly girl with nothing to offer.

we should have never dated. him and i. i think it was just a waste of time and a waste of my life. it saddens me to think that i could have gone to school at 19, been done with it and has a career by now. maybe i would be happy by now.

the past is the past for a reason. all i can do is move forward from now on. i just have to keep working towards my goals for myself. i feel like i'm growing into the person that i should be now. i don't miss the old jessica. she had nothing to offer herself or anyone else for that matter.

hopefully my future is brighter than my past.

2011-06-03T21:54:00.001-07:00

I miss having a boyfriend when it's night time and I'm alone. I miss nights that were filled with laughter, smiles, and music. I remember every word that we shared. I remember every joke and pet name.

2011-06-03T15:06:00.001-07:00

I just need to crawl into a hole and die.

2011-06-03T13:51:00.001-07:00

The best part of believe is the lie.

2011-06-03T12:42:00.001-07:00

My feelings are dead for you now.

2011-06-02T00:58:00.001-07:00

No one ever wants to talk to me on the phone.

I wish I was pretty. Males love pretty girls.

Oh well.

2011-06-01T22:25:00.001-07:00

It's so sad how much I once cared for you.

2011-05-31T06:12:00.001-07:00

I want a relationship simliar to a long distance relationship but minus the distance. I want to talk on the phone, skype, see eachother as much as possible. I want to know everything and share everything with him.

I want a cutesy relationship.

2011-05-31T05:37:00.001-07:00

"im not a monster but together, me and you can live forever- til whenever."

2011-05-29T10:11:00.001-07:00

I may never stop loving you, but you lost your control over me.

2011-05-29T02:20:00.001-07:00

I'm done with these games. You want me to be a bitch? You got it.

Just remember what you wished for.

2011-05-29T01:32:00.001-07:00

I hate to be awake while you are off dreaming.

2011-05-28T13:30:00.001-07:00

I get the vibe that I'm going to end alone, forever. A year ago that thought would have killed me but I'm getting use to my old life style again. Alone.

2011-05-26T21:47:00.001-07:00

2011-05-25T23:52:00.001-07:00

What happens when the person who makes you cry is the only person you want to talk too? Sigh.

I need you so much. Why aren't you here?

2011-05-25T23:26:00.001-07:00

Why does he bother me so much? He is just a dick. Ugh.

2011-05-25T22:22:00.001-07:00

I dislike you as a person.

2011-05-23T01:09:00.001-07:00

How can I miss you so much when you don't even remember me?

2011-05-22T20:45:00.001-07:00

You’re not sure that you love me but you’re not sure enough to let me go, baby it ain’t fair you know to just keep me hanging around. You say you don’t wanna hurt me, don’t wanna see my tears. So why are you still standing here just watching me drowned?

2011-05-22T19:30:00.001-07:00

I don't know why I'm such a wreck without you.

2011-05-22T17:40:00.001-07:00

I'm forever making the same mistake.

2011-05-22T15:45:00.001-07:00

I hate knowing other people want you too, I feel like just fucking screaming at them that you’re mine….even if you really aren’t.

2011-05-22T14:43:00.001-07:00

I can't talk to any other guy without getting weird because it isn't you. How can you do the exact opposite with another girl?

dear bear,

2011-05-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

"You're the lullaby
Singing me to sleep
You are the other half
You're like a missing piece"
-City and Colour♥

2011-05-15T11:22:00.001-07:00

Even if it's a no, I can't say that I didn't try.
It just means there is someome else out there who is right for me.
My one and only.
My forever.

If it's not him, I'll find him someday.
I'll never let him go.

2011-05-14T16:36:00.001-07:00

I miss having someone to call when I'm sad or crying.
I wish someone would comfort me.
I miss that so much.

2011-05-14T16:22:00.001-07:00

What do you do when the one who broke your heart, is the only one who can fix it?

2011-05-14T14:33:00.001-07:00

I'm attracted to the lonely, sad and broken types.
I have the need to feel needed.
I don't care for desire or wanting.
Just need me to fix you.
Cause I'll fix you.

2011-05-14T14:22:00.001-07:00

Let's runaway to a place where no one knows our name.
Let's take on new roles.
Let's be the people we were meant to be but lost along the way.
Let's make love every night and smile all day long.
Let's live life like it was meant to be;
together and forever.

2011-05-13T18:45:00.001-07:00

This blog turned into a depression blog. How horrible. It started out a love blog.

2011-05-08T14:05:00.001-07:00

Why do we ask questions when we already know the answer? Sigh.

2011-05-06T17:41:00.001-07:00

I have to let go.
Everything has to go.
He moved on.
I need to move, completey.

2011-05-04T23:08:00.001-07:00

I told you that I felt like you don't care about me anymore and you simply replied, 'i will always care about you.'

2011-05-04T06:18:00.001-07:00

You are so far gone. You don't notice me not around.

2011-05-01T19:31:00.001-07:00

I miss your friendship. Our friendship. I hate that we won't ever be the same again.

2011-04-29T00:02:00.001-07:00

Boys are dumb. I'm done trying with D.

2011-04-28T10:17:00.001-07:00

I almost texted you, but I remembered that you aren't going to reply anyways.

2011-04-25T20:37:00.001-07:00

I guess you’ve kind of forgotten about me and I should grow up and move along with my life but you were such a big part of my life that I don’t really think I can move along.

2011-04-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

i feel even more alone today.
what the actual fuck.

2011-04-23T00:29:00.001-07:00

I miss you.

2011-04-13T13:52:00.001-07:00

Every answered phone call with no voice makes me think it's you but I'm sure it's untrue.

You moved on and it's not you.

2011-04-12T13:26:00.001-07:00

Why do males enjoy hurting people?